Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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