I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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