they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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