my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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