I think my fart just growled at me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
