Just fell off a train. Bad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
