I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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