I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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