After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
