how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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