I am spending my child support on dildos
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
