so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
