Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
