Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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