Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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