It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
