my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
