Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
