i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
