Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
