my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
