so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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