he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
