just tell him i said nine months
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
