so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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