You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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