so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
