Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
