I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
