i wish there were pregnant emoticons
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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