i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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