i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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