My liver just broke up with me...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
