FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
