Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
