..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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