i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
