I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
