Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
