Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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