My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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