turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
