Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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