..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
