I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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