he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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