whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
