I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think i got beer on your cat.
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