It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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