Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
