just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
